CLOVERFIELD
April 21st 2009 01:59
Category: Videos
Director: Matt Reeves
Written by: Drew Goddard
Producers: J J Abrams & Bryan Burk
Starring: Lizzy Caplan, Jessica Lucas, T J Miller, Michael Stahl-David, Mike Vogel & Odette Yustman
Produced by: Paramount Pictures & Bad Robot
Released by: Paramount Home Entertainment
Running Time: 81minutes Rating: M
Perhaps as the Green Lantern I should not only continue casting the Lantern’s eternal emerald gaze over various films, anime, manga etc but I should also consider writing a comprehensive manual of what you should not do in regards to making certain types of film. There could be a need for this; it would even be nice if it became a text for future budding film students, hopefully preventing all manner of various shocking silver screen atrocities and crimes of taste being perpetrated upon later generations. If I did get around to embarking upon such a project I suspect that Cloverfield would probably have an entire chapter devoted to itself, if not several, illustrating as is voiced by Marlon Brando in the later stages of Apocalypse Now – the horror, the horror…
Now apparently this was a rather popular film and achieved a cult status similar to that experienced by the famous Blair Witch Project, a movie that was literally made on a shoestring and in turn made a vast fortune, more money than you and I can possibly dream of and it was all clear profit. Cloverfield apparently enjoyed similar popularity although I have no idea whether it was a big a hit financially. Funnily I’ve seen Blair Witch and frankly didn’t think much of it either; it was a period of several Americans roaming around in the countryside bitching, moaning and whining – time that I will never get back. Luckily though it was in the discount section so I didn’t pay top whack for it when I rented it out of the local video store.
This particular flick I uncovered amidst the stacks of my local library and after watching it I think I’ll be consigning it back there and possibly suggesting that the library staff bury it deep, real deep. Now as I type away at this review I do feel that I owe you, the audience the decency to say that I have not watched the entirety of this film, not from start to finish, I watched it from when the drama really begins then went back over what I missed in fits and starts. In my defence though I do have what I feel is very good rational for not sitting down in front of my trusty lap top and enduring the painful experience of watching every minute of Cloverfield.
Another confession I have is that I have no idea what Lost is like, although I am aware that it has been a major television series both here and in the United States, the reason why I mention this is that J J Abrams who is the producer of this series is the ‘visionary’ behind this work. All I can say is if this is an example of what can be described as visionary then reviewers and pundits are handing this word out far too easily, still then again visionary as defined by the Concise Oxford Dictionary 5th Edition can be existing in the imagination, imaginary, fanciful and unpractical which can define Cloverfield nicely.
Returning back to the matter of my manual on dos and don’ts of film making the first thing that I would mention is that some people just should not attempt to make science fiction films – Danny Boyle and Mr Abrams this means you. Now Cloverfield is meant to be something in the science fiction genre, a film where the city of New York and in particular the area of Manhattan is literally trashed by something truly monstrous. So why does it take so freaking long for the carnage to happen? Why is the first part of the film spent in truly mind numbingly boring moments of pure tripe? Why do we have the slice of life moments through the eyes of various characters getting ready for a farewell party for on the characters? The obvious answer is to introduce the cast, to show us how they all interact and give us an insight into their personality.
Frankly who gives a hoot…I want to see a monster rampaging in downtown Manhattan ala the finest moments of Godzilla taking out Tokyo I don’t want to know about the personal lives of the various protagonists. In fact frankly that particular aspect should only be relevant if it has some significant bearing on the story, say like one of the characters is an astrophysicist who has realised that an unusual cometary object passing close to the earth is something more than it seems or if the cast are involved in the field of crypto zoology and have begun to notice strange behaviour in some of the more mundane animal inhabitants of say Central Park. I don’t care to know that one character is sleeping with his childhood sweetheart, that the girlfriend of another character’s brother is keen to make the farewell party a success. That kind of thing is all very well for a soap opera, not a science fiction flick, it does nothing to build suspense or enhance the unfolding drama.
Next point is the constant flashbacks – for god’s sake don’t do this, if you do frankly I think you should at the very least be barred from making films for the next twenty years. There is no point to them if they have no significant bearing on the story and frankly these don’t, they’re just moments of soppy pathos to break up the carnage that we eventually finally catch a glimpse of. Point three, don’t have someone in the film, one of the characters filming the event it just sucks, sure it make look cool and groovy but at the end of the day it does nothing. Oh sure you can say it adds a personal touch to the whole affair, but why? Surely you’d be relying on your story and the actors to do all that for of rather than trying to introduce this particular facet. As far as I am concerned it’s just downright annoying and I found myself wishing the cameraman would end getting killed, harsh I know, but eventually the rampaging monstrosity chews him up and spits him out.
Fifth point there is little actually mentioned about the main star of the movie, the monster, where did it come from? Is it some invader from beyond the stars? Or an ancient entity that has emerged from subterranean depths? And what is it with the smaller critters and why is there something about being bitten by them? These are points that are not mentioned; perhaps no doubt they were not deemed relevant in lieu no doubt of in depth character development. The primary antagonist thus just becomes mere window dressing.
Sixth point, if you intend to have a grim ending then make it grim, don’t leave it as some soppy moment where the two surviving characters are weeping and wailing about the fact their about to die. Better off to have New York nuked by the USAF or a sub launched cruise missile, a mushroom cloud blossoming then the big monstrosity collapses but then as the dust settles there are thousands if not millions of smaller monsters swarming through the streets of the Big Apple possibly spreading outwards to other communities. The ending that this film does have is so sickly they may as well have not have bothered. After having seen this I am glad I didn’t pay any money for it, it probably would have prompted me to demand my money either from the video store or cinema. There is a classic line from Red Dwarf where after hearing Rimmer’s recounting his glories as a Risk player Lister promptly informs him that he is completely and totally ungripped by such anecdotes. Kind of how I feel about Cloverfield, totally ungripped by its efforts.
Written by: Drew Goddard
Producers: J J Abrams & Bryan Burk
Starring: Lizzy Caplan, Jessica Lucas, T J Miller, Michael Stahl-David, Mike Vogel & Odette Yustman
Produced by: Paramount Pictures & Bad Robot
Released by: Paramount Home Entertainment
Running Time: 81minutes Rating: M
Perhaps as the Green Lantern I should not only continue casting the Lantern’s eternal emerald gaze over various films, anime, manga etc but I should also consider writing a comprehensive manual of what you should not do in regards to making certain types of film. There could be a need for this; it would even be nice if it became a text for future budding film students, hopefully preventing all manner of various shocking silver screen atrocities and crimes of taste being perpetrated upon later generations. If I did get around to embarking upon such a project I suspect that Cloverfield would probably have an entire chapter devoted to itself, if not several, illustrating as is voiced by Marlon Brando in the later stages of Apocalypse Now – the horror, the horror…
Another confession I have is that I have no idea what Lost is like, although I am aware that it has been a major television series both here and in the United States, the reason why I mention this is that J J Abrams who is the producer of this series is the ‘visionary’ behind this work. All I can say is if this is an example of what can be described as visionary then reviewers and pundits are handing this word out far too easily, still then again visionary as defined by the Concise Oxford Dictionary 5th Edition can be existing in the imagination, imaginary, fanciful and unpractical which can define Cloverfield nicely.
Returning back to the matter of my manual on dos and don’ts of film making the first thing that I would mention is that some people just should not attempt to make science fiction films – Danny Boyle and Mr Abrams this means you. Now Cloverfield is meant to be something in the science fiction genre, a film where the city of New York and in particular the area of Manhattan is literally trashed by something truly monstrous. So why does it take so freaking long for the carnage to happen? Why is the first part of the film spent in truly mind numbingly boring moments of pure tripe? Why do we have the slice of life moments through the eyes of various characters getting ready for a farewell party for on the characters? The obvious answer is to introduce the cast, to show us how they all interact and give us an insight into their personality.
Frankly who gives a hoot…I want to see a monster rampaging in downtown Manhattan ala the finest moments of Godzilla taking out Tokyo I don’t want to know about the personal lives of the various protagonists. In fact frankly that particular aspect should only be relevant if it has some significant bearing on the story, say like one of the characters is an astrophysicist who has realised that an unusual cometary object passing close to the earth is something more than it seems or if the cast are involved in the field of crypto zoology and have begun to notice strange behaviour in some of the more mundane animal inhabitants of say Central Park. I don’t care to know that one character is sleeping with his childhood sweetheart, that the girlfriend of another character’s brother is keen to make the farewell party a success. That kind of thing is all very well for a soap opera, not a science fiction flick, it does nothing to build suspense or enhance the unfolding drama.
Next point is the constant flashbacks – for god’s sake don’t do this, if you do frankly I think you should at the very least be barred from making films for the next twenty years. There is no point to them if they have no significant bearing on the story and frankly these don’t, they’re just moments of soppy pathos to break up the carnage that we eventually finally catch a glimpse of. Point three, don’t have someone in the film, one of the characters filming the event it just sucks, sure it make look cool and groovy but at the end of the day it does nothing. Oh sure you can say it adds a personal touch to the whole affair, but why? Surely you’d be relying on your story and the actors to do all that for of rather than trying to introduce this particular facet. As far as I am concerned it’s just downright annoying and I found myself wishing the cameraman would end getting killed, harsh I know, but eventually the rampaging monstrosity chews him up and spits him out.
Fifth point there is little actually mentioned about the main star of the movie, the monster, where did it come from? Is it some invader from beyond the stars? Or an ancient entity that has emerged from subterranean depths? And what is it with the smaller critters and why is there something about being bitten by them? These are points that are not mentioned; perhaps no doubt they were not deemed relevant in lieu no doubt of in depth character development. The primary antagonist thus just becomes mere window dressing.
Sixth point, if you intend to have a grim ending then make it grim, don’t leave it as some soppy moment where the two surviving characters are weeping and wailing about the fact their about to die. Better off to have New York nuked by the USAF or a sub launched cruise missile, a mushroom cloud blossoming then the big monstrosity collapses but then as the dust settles there are thousands if not millions of smaller monsters swarming through the streets of the Big Apple possibly spreading outwards to other communities. The ending that this film does have is so sickly they may as well have not have bothered. After having seen this I am glad I didn’t pay any money for it, it probably would have prompted me to demand my money either from the video store or cinema. There is a classic line from Red Dwarf where after hearing Rimmer’s recounting his glories as a Risk player Lister promptly informs him that he is completely and totally ungripped by such anecdotes. Kind of how I feel about Cloverfield, totally ungripped by its efforts.
| 50 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
